Conversation with a Murderer

From an old journal of mine, unedited:

February 26, 1992

Cathedral Square

Sacramento

Today I met a murderer from Lexington, Nebraska.  He had been released from prison 16 days ago, after serving 18 years for killing the man he claims raped and killed his wife and also killed his son.  That happened in Arizona.  He sat next to me on a bench across from the entry to the Cathedral of the Holy Sacrament and rolled a cigarette.  I had given him 35 cents after he'd complained of hunger, of being kicked out of the mission.

"Why did they kick you out of the mission?"

"Fighting."

He didn't seem to mind my first question.

"Over what?"

"A blanket.  Ain't that stupid?"

"I guess, unless it was really cold out."

"We was inside, but she said the blanket was hers.  Then her old man decided to get into it.  And one other guy.  So, I took them all on.  Got kicked out."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, but I didn't get hurt or nothing."

"So, where'd you go when you got kicked out?

"Woodland."

"Where'd you go in Woodland?"

"I camped.  Yeah, I like it in Woodland.  Nice place."

"They don't bother you too much in Woodland?"

"No.  I got one ticket.  For being drunk in public."

"And were you?"

"Yeah.  Tell you the truth.  I just got out of jail.  16 days ago."

"How long were you in?"

"18 years.  But.  I deserved it.  Murder."

"What did you do?"

"I murdered the son of a bitch who raped and murdered my wife, my son.  God, I'm so hungry I might beat up somebody.  But it's o.k.  I got a check coming today.  I'm going home."

"Where's home?"

"Lincoln...Lexington, Nebraska."

"How you going to get there?"

"Fly."

"You have family there?"

"Yeah.  My dad.  I called him last night.  Said, 'Dad, it's me.'  He said 'Are you out?"  I said, 'Yeah.  I'd like to come home."  He said, 'Good.  I want you to run the farm.'  Shit.  I said, 'What?'  He's 73.  He says he wants to retire."

"When's the last time you saw him?"

"23 years ago."

"You have any brothers?"

"No.  I, there were four of us.  But I lost three of them in ‘Nam."

"Three?"

"Lost my twin.  We all four went over at the same time."

"How long were you there?"

"I did two tours."

"Which service?"

"Army."

"So, your father's got plans for you."

"Yeah, uh-huh.  I told him I'm not sure I can even drive a tractor anymore.  He's got 107,000 acres."

"Nebraska.  What does he grow?"

"Corn, wheat, alfalfa."

"Nebraska."

"It'll be good to be back.  It sure feels good to be free."

"Yeah."

"I'm loving it.  I don't like being poor.  But I like being free."