Warning

Once a place for articles I wrote that failed to get published,
this blog is becoming something else.

Showing posts with label unpublished. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unpublished. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Occupied Blight

It is usually between
the last of the brain's
end-of-day wane
and sleep we speak,
or I do.

Does he hear,
the landlord,
while I beg
for renovation,
if not eviction?

I exist between him
and the tenant who all day
prior to my pleading
I hear working
at survival.

There's a message in that urgent scurry:

the things I do to live
weaken the structure,
deteriorate the exterior.
There are breaches
in my breaches.
Everything's getting looser,
everything is less secure.
The jambs are warped,
the whole frame is leaning.
You are falling down.

Is this the way
every body ends:
a soul begins to panic,
to scurry more urgently.
With every chunk
of plaster that falls,
with every patch
of rust that rises
fear spreads
and the soul's breath labors.

Does anyone know
a good contractor?
Have I the resources?
Is there an authority
to appeal to?
              -J. O'Brien

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Exoskeleton

Before reading Patrick Kavanagh's "I Had a Future

It's 1990 
I'm 26
the Cold War has passed
it's late afternoon but it was probably morning
off the 42 bus walking home from class -
in a sudden buffeting blow
of yellow fliers, pizza boxes,
butts, grit, dirt, the news.

Calling no one
for an hour I hid
in a phone booth 
to avoid
the pelting rubbish and dust
I watched in the gust
swirl
in columns
over Columbia Road.

At school I'd peeked
in my teacher's mailbox:
my story she'd liked, 
given to a colleague
returned to her covered in an angry hand. 
Mere miles away
SecDef Cheney's heart rate climbs
as he thinks of oil in sand

There, I've done it
I've plagiarized Patrick Kavanagh
and I hadn't even read him yet.
I''m not yet 27 and clear.
On my sofabed at S St NW
the cockroaches are unaware I'm near.
I had no exoskeleton mode
I hid in that phone booth an hour on Columbia Road.
                                                        - J. O'Brien




Area 52

The strangest thing she ever saw was her face
in the polished fender distorted.
The strangest thing I'd ever seen
half beneath the car that would end her
a girl I knew lying dead in the street
or off a bridge that stranger's body self-tossed
first responders milling when I was 24
or his bullet wound not visible
the victim under a wrinkled sheet
on a gurney in a mortuary backroom
or later naked high in winter trees
arms aloft in triumph over the torn
the birth of a week-long spirit lingering
by my sick old man hale for once
or scrubbed and made up him prone
in a chapel his false teeth gleaming
awaiting a greeting from some Beyond.
The strangest thing I ever saw was myself in a mirror

                                                             - J. O'Brien

Saturday, October 5, 2013

8 poems supposedly

Our Memoir
I was very young
at the time
of the anschluss
and only later
after a lost war
wielding hindsight
purged of memory
did I discuss our history.
   
Read the other 7 on this page here.
 

Friday, August 30, 2013

Heaney's journey to Aarhus

August 30, 2013 - Heaney died today. This is an excerpt, with some lines from the poet, from an unpublished essay I wrote about, among other things, my encounter with Ötzi the Iceman:

I’ve always loved old bones. I love their mystery, the tactile connection they represent to personal histories, so close yet so obscure. For me there has been no bigger thrill than peering into a gaping, ruined grave in Enniskillen to spy in the shadows an old browned skull and to imagine, just for a moment, just a sound the brain it held might have produced, just one emotion, one sensation. And if old bones were thrilling, then old faces, old noses, old fingernails and old whiskers were even better. Although I’d found they could disappoint, too. Once I had walked the long, grim, subterranean corridors of a monastery in Palermo where hundreds of dried mummies of all ages, dressed in their burial clothes, gazed back at me. Their poses bordered on clownishness and their display amounted to a violation, like a deprivation of promised sleep. They should have delivered me to a morbid nirvana. Instead they left me unmoved.

The Bog People by P.V. Glob
Then I read P.V. Glob’s classic, The Bog People (from the miraculous New York Review of Books imprint), about the fully-preserved Iron Age corpses found in bogs in Denmark and Ireland, men who were criminals, young women who were adulterers or in some cases sacrifices to the gods. I could spend an entire afternoon staring at photographs of the tormented, peat-stained, human face of the Tollund Man, his impressively aquiline nose, the vertical crease of mortal anguish in his forehead, the hangman’s noose around his neck still. I had read and re-read the poems the bog mummies had inspired in Seamus Heaney. For the poet, the Tollund Man, the Grauballe Man, the Bog Queen, and the brutality and cruel, ignorant sacrifice to which they bore witness, became useful symbols for the violent, religion-fueled predicament of the Irish of the 1970s. Here he would leave behind snipes and drowned farm cats as symbols and turn to something more ambiguous and better. “Opening The Bog People,” he told Dennis O’Driscoll, “was like opening a gate."

Through them Heaney could exercise his gift for ruthless identification and self-reflection. It’s all there in a bog poem called “Punishment,” with passages like these:

I who have stood dumb
when your betraying sisters,
cauled in tar,
wept by the railings,

who would connive
in civilized outrage
yet understand the exact
and tribal, intimate revenge.

This desire I feel and draw I find in Ötzi Heaney describes precisely in these stanzas from “Tollund Man:"

Some day I will go to Aarhus
To see his peat-brown head,
The mild pods of his eyelids,
His pointed skin cap,

In the flat country nearby
Where they dug him out,
His last gruel of winter seeds,
Caked in his stomach...

Heaney dreamed of a journey to Denmark to see the Tollund Man, like mine to Italy to see the Iceman; I happen to know he made it. I could think of few better fates for a corpse than to become the inspiration for a poem, or a journey to Aarhus, by Seamus Heaney. And all Ötzi gets is me.
                                                                                     
                                                                                              -from "The Find"

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Burning History: a letter from El Carmen, Peru


Peruvian singer Susana Baca making dinner. Pic by me.
In 1999, GQ sent me to Lima to do a story about the great Afro-Peruvian singer, Susana Baca. She was making a record with the producer Craig Street, for David Byrne's label, Luaka Bop. And she was recording the entire thing in her house. I got to stay at the house for a few days during the recording. I had never had such an assignment before, had only published one magazine story by then, and pretty much had no idea what I was doing. But I was fortunate because 1) GQ gave me a chance (Thanks, Jim Nelson! -- way back then a senior editor, now GQ Editor-in-Chief.); and 2) because everyone there at the house in Lima, including Susana, her band, her husband, Ricardo, and Craig Street, was incredibly kind and open. It turned out to be one of the greatest experiences of my life.

After I was done with my reporting, I flew to Ayacucho, the birthplace of the Shining Path, where I was struck down first with altitude sickness, and then with a voracious intestinal parasite. I spent much of my time in my hotel room eating Chips Ahoy cookies (the only thing that didn't seem to go through my digestive system in less than 2 minutes; I wonder, and worry about, why), drinking water, and watching the John Sayles movie Lone Star over and over again on the only English-language station I could find on the TV. 

But before heading to Ayacucho, I'd taken a road trip south to the village of El Carmen, Peru, to what is thought to be the birthplace of the glorious Afro-Peruvian culture that Baca had done so much to preserve and proliferate. At that time, I had never been to South America, and never before to a city that raged and burned quite like Lima, and it had been mind-bending for me in good and bad ways. 

The Susana Baca story turned out really nicely and appeared in GQ in the spring of 2000 (Estella Warren cover), but I don't think it is available anywhere online, so can't link to it. However, I remember the lede by heart: "Most of the time when an artist says "I recorded it at home," it means in a studio in the barn or on a 12-track in the basement. In Peruvian singer Susana Baca's case, it means in the kitchen, the hallway, the bedroom, the stairwell." 

Cotito on the gourd. Pic: me.

 
But this is the story of my trip to El Carmen.

Burning History: a letter from El Carmen

Too many days and nights amid the churning chaos of Lima had left me in a state of melancholy bordering on mourning. Accompanying me everywhere was an almost constant awareness of the ephemeral nature of what the city’s raw energy burned: gas fumes, garbage, people, peoples, history.

And so when my work was done in Lima, I left its pandemonium behind and headed down the Pan American highway, south through the brown coastal deserts of Peru. My destination was a bucolic, historic region in the state of Chincha said to be the cradle of Afro Peruvian culture. There I would hear the music of Peru’s slaves and their descendants, in its element and at its root. This music was what I’d come to Peru to write about. The hope now was that in Chinca I could witness the culture and tell everyone that I’d been to the source, to the watershed, and found it flowing.

Sounds good. But as we careen down the highway on a bright, beige summer day, there’s no denying my ulterior motive, my urge to flee Lima, my need to shed the amorphous fear and guilt the city engenders, before they morph into something unshedable. But no matter how far or how fast we drive the highway, death-haunted images of the hunger-smitten city refuse to abate: the breadth of its hillside poverty, the black darkness of its outlying streets at night, broken only by the occasional garbage fire, the heaping garbage on the beaches near Chorillos, the thick, brown, meringue-like foam floating on the ocean waves. The countless street urchins offering meaningless services for small tribute.

My guide is a fair-skinned, blondish Limeño named Xavier who is in nothing so Peruvian as in the recklessness of his driving. All along the wide road I see many small, white, wooden crosses dedicated to this highway’s dead and spend much of the three-hour drive sweating, clinging, saying many Acts of Contrition. At least a half dozen times I find myself wondering, as Xavier uses the soft, deeply grooved shoulder, and beyond, to pass sluggishly moving trucks or to avoid oncoming traffic, if tomorrow there might be one of those little white crosses dedicated to my memory.

Our first stop along the highway is in Cañente, where we sit on the town square and try vainly to blend in among the locals. The grounds (and some of the people) within the busy square are coifed near perfection: fenced off rose gardens, healthy fichus trees, blue-uniformed school children giggling on benches, a dapper old black man with silver hair, dozing. There’s a smartly dressed old lady with a sunken-in mouth wearing a thick sweater and wool stockings, soaking in the morning sun; a mud-caked, sun-baked lunatic insisting we give him something, anything; a beefy man selling lottery tickets; a red-skirted woman of the highlands with a small child; more Andean children on the make, wanting desperately to shine my boots or clean the clean windows on our car. The pressure of the beggar and the persistence of the enterprising children soon overwhelm us and so we push off south again along the scary highway to our destination: northern Chincha.

El Carmen
This part of Chincha is a three-hearted beast: there’s the quiet, low-slung Peruvian village of El Carmen with its deserted town square; there are the surrounding cotton and banana fields of what was once a colonial plantation ruled by the residents of the nearby hacienda, now the "Hacienda San Jose," a hotel, where we’ll be staying; and behind the walls of the hacienda lies the dun, sun-washed shanty town where live the mostly black, partly indigenous community who farm the small plots into which the hacienda’s vast acreage has been divided.

After turning off the paved road on our approach to El Carmen, we pass a crumbling adobe wall with a fading message stenciled on it, which translates roughly: El Carmen, noble district of a valorous race of color. Glorious land of sport. Always welcoming, happy, and courteous, receives you with open arms. Shortly we’re forced to stop for a herd of burros chasing after a herd of goats munching in the bush. Another 100 meters down the dirt and gravel road we encounter a group of three little boys, the fifth, sixth, and seventh black people I’ve encountered in Peru, playing on the sandy berm above the road. One, holding a toy gun made of pieces of colored two-by-fours, smiles, waves, then shoots us, somehow congenially.

We drive along the estate wall and come to a gate and near death in a friendly near collision with an exiting truck. The truck driver smiles, waves, and evacuates as we drive into the square of the grand old Hacienda San Jose, while Xavier mutters something in Spanish that sounds like “moron” or else “mort.”

The Hacienda San Jose
With some time to myself at midafternoon at this elegant, Colonial-period residence with its sprawling, red-tiled veranda, I wander. Attached to the big house is an 18th Century baroque chapel the size of one of California’s missions. I stand in the courtyard and admire its old bone-white facade, wither a little in the reflected heat and light.

I enter the darkness of the ancient church, kneel down to pray for forgiveness, but am first distracted by the spectacular intricacies of the towering altar carved from dark Colombian oak. Then by the intrepid altar-dusting of a member of the staff. Three Our Fathers. Feel only a tiny bit better. I’ve never seen bloodier Christs than those in Peru. The tension of Lima is still roiling within me, but I find things I like in this quiet: the constant moaning of invisible mourning doves; the musty mission smell a charming mix of dust and Endust, for this seems to be a lovingly kept place where the battle can only be lost.

Walking about the grounds, I hear children on an out-of-tune piano playing “Que Sera Sera,” see a lonely burro in the field, anthropomorphize a burro in a field by calling it lonely, go into the main building in search of agua mineral.

Evening. A quiet dusk except for one rooster crowing. Footsteps echoing on the tiles of the veranda, where I sit facing west ,watching fields of tall grass with a stray dog swimming laps.

The Hacienda San Jose began life in 1650 as a Jesuit monastery. In the 18th Century, it was ceded to the Salazars, relatives of a prominent Jesuit, who moved in, and the monastery became a hacienda, or what we would call a plantation. The 17th Century monastics had built catacombs to bury their dead. The ranchers later used the two kilometers of catacomb tunnel beneath the house to hide from pirates who’d landed at the port at Pisco about twenty kilometers west of here. Later owners of the hacienda built a tunnel leading from Pisco directly to their slave quarters, which the catacombs had eventually become. Tunnel transport was said to be a good way to keep the slaves disoriented: arrive squinting at San Jose, birds flapping wings in the trees. Esta noche a caged parrot in the courtyard screeching like one of Salazar’s men is whipping a recalcitrant slave. A horse and more burros in the field, one baby mule stiffly running in circles, kicking up dust. Darkness falling fast. If not a timeless scene, then one with very little of our time to it.

Dinner at the hacienda is much like other restaurant meals I’ve had in Peru, hearty but bland. We have a good bottle of Argentinean wine, though, and I try to let the alcohol, the night sounds and the night quiet and the distance from Lima settle over me so that I will sleep.

The ceiling in my room is at least 20 feet high. There’s an opening up there, like a kind of vent, and I’m fairly certain I’m sharing the room with at least one bat, who keeps to himself, as do I.

Over the Wall
Much as I knew I’d want to take pictures, I failed to grab my camera when Xavier came to my room the next morning and said, “Let’s take a walk and meet some people.” It’s regrettable because immediately outside the wall three women stand around a portable, glass-encased statue of the Virgin surrounded by yellow and red roses, while one of the women – according to Xavier – preaches to the other two. I only understand her when she begins repeatedly proclaiming the name of God, as in, “Dios, Dios, Dios, Dios.” We don’t stay to listen and instead walk on into the village past one sheep and three stray dogs with flapping nipples. We stop momentarily for Xavier to answer a question of mine and when I look back toward the women I see they have hoisted the statue onto their shoulders and are making a kind of procession – either impromptu or just unattended – through the main street of the village. One of the buildings they pass, the most colorful little one-story shack on the street, is the Pentecostal church. In 1999, the Pentecostals are a relatively recent presence in Latin America. They’re working hard to usurp the centuries-long hold the Catholic Church has had on the souls of this part of the world, and are having great success here and in Mexico.

Ignoring the procession are two well-dressed women who stand outside the door to one home in a posture and at a precise distance from the occupant that would indicate to me the passive-aggressive methods of the Jehovah’s Witnesses. The women are holding little magazines for the household to see.

In the bright morning air, Xavier and I continue our walk beyond the hacienda’s back wall and into the one-road, mud bricked village of perhaps twenty families. This village of San Jose has a school, a day care center, an unpaved main street that is dusty except where it’s made muddy by urine: human, dog, sheep, goat urine. Quickly, a three-year old boy pops out of a dark doorway, his little piss-shooting dick in his hand. As we make our way along a well-worn footpath, immediately beyond the last of the finished houses, among the half-built abandoned ones, and between the adobe-walled fields of cotton of poor quality lined with a few banana trees, the garbage begins to mount. The flies thicken. The unmistakable scent of the feces of your own kind greets you aggressively. Along the road and on the edges of the cotton fields are disposed-of diapers bursting with runny baby crap, other, adult-like turds gathered into half-open pieces of paper. You keep thinking the stink will go away but it doesn’t. It stays exactly the same, no stronger or weaker than before, just persistent. Xavier, who admits to being a member of the wealthiest 5% of Peru, and who is an enthusiastic apologist for his lamented Fujimori, says this squalor is the direct result of the agrarian reform policies of the mid 1970’s. He utters what strikes me as the classic noblesse oblige argument: “When all of this land was owned by a benevolent rancher, he took care of these people. Then the land was taken away from its longtime owners, and a small piece given to each family of plantation workers, to make their own living off the land. And now look at them. For some reason, they don’t know how to take care of themselves. They have electricity and antennas so that they can watch television and listen to football games on the radio, but no sewers. Look at the poor quality of their cotton. But, it is easy to make them laugh.”

Later we go into a shack with a Coca Cola sign out front. It is intensely hot and I want a bottle of water. Xavier says they may not have any water for sale, but that the tap water at the hacienda, which is maybe 100 yards from the tienda, is safe to drink because it is well water. This might be true, but everything I’ve read about Peru says, above all, don’t drink the water. And anyway, I say, I want to buy something in there. Inside, the room is unlit. There is one glass case with bottles of Sprite and beer and Inca Kola. Xavier was right. There is no water. Off to the side of the room is a 10-year old girl doing her homework. We buy two bottles of yellow, syrupy Inca Kola and drink them standing there while the storekeeper goes in and out of the room and into the street trying to find change for the 10 sole bill I’ve paid with. As we wait, Xavier tells me the proud story of Inca Kola, how it was the only pop in the world that Coca Cola has been unable to usurp in local popularity, how it was the only yellow cola, and how it had a patent on its particular shade of piss yellow. Finally Coke came in and bought Inca.

While we are drinking and talking and waiting, the storekeeper’s second daughter, a beautiful and sweet six-year old called Genesis shows us I think every piece of homework she’s done all school year. A whole page of the letter L. A page of colored-in animals like dogs and pigs and sheep. A perfectly traced cat. Pages from a coloring book on the folklore tradition of Chincha. She keeps disappearing behind a curtain and returning with more sheets of paper. I suspect Genesis of being a Pentecostal.

Later, back again in the shanty town, in this San Jose -- that is, the urine-soaked, shit-strewn garbage dump behind the high walls of the gleaming Hacienda San Jose -- walking in the late afternoon, we stop so that Xavier may chat with the family of our El Carmen guide for tomorrow, Juan. I’m not privy to their conversation in Spanish and so am left to lean awkwardly against the front of their shack and look at them: one woman with a brown and broken tooth in the front of her mouth; a boy maybe 15, handsome, skinny, chest almost concave, shirtless in pleated wool trousers and gray sneakers. He is scratching the happy head of an energetic puppy who barks at everyone else but who wags his tail at the youngster. Otherwise the puppy seems to be freely ranging into any house he chooses in this little stretch of five or six earth-colored houses before which we stand or lean, as the case my be. Finally, there is a fat old woman in the group who when she is preparing to laugh first shifts her great breasts and her general bulk up and down several times prior to smiling, prior to sounding her giggle.

The next morning, again in the village behind the walls of the Hacienda San Jose, drinking Coca Cola with ice and talking to Xavier’s father’s driver who is here visiting the house of his sister (the broken-toothed woman from yesterday) and her husband, Roberto, I recall that I had come to El Carmen and San Jose not to educate myself on what’s happening here now, but only to witness the quaintness of it’s history. I think as I sit and listen to Xavier’s mysteriously stingy translation that the only music I’ve heard is some schmaltzy Latin pop by the son of Julio Iglesias (that latter day Spanish colonialist, type: cultural) playing over a tinny transistor radio. No guitars, no chekos, no quijadas de burros, no slave songs or dances.

Instead we sit in the cool, unlit living room and talk more of agrarian reform. Roberto owns five hectares of land one kilometer from this house. He grows only cotton. This year the price of cotton, which tends to fluctuate dramatically, is up. Turns out that a monument in the center of the main street honors Roberto’s father. He and one of his sons, not Roberto, are said to have been great goalkeepers. I photograph the whole group around the monument.

On our fourth day in San Jose we hear rumors of another white journalist in the area in search of a story similar to mine. That afternoon on the road to El Carmen we overtake a lanky, fair skinned young man walking. He turns out to be a journalist from Holland who’s been traveling Latin America and sending back the occasional dispatch. We pick him up and the three of us ride into El Carmen and sit smoking in the mostly empty Plaza de Armas. He tells us he is hot on the trail of some legendary Afro Peruvian musician I’ve never heard of. I feel ashamed of my own journalistic ineptitude, and try to cover this by giving him some of my contacts in Lima.

At night we head back to that burning city and everything feels like a bust except I’m still alive. For the ride back I’ve purchased a rosary which I do not show to Xavier but keep handy in my breast pocket. The slaves are out of Africa, the slaveholders long dead. The land barons have surrendered the land to the slave’s descendents. I recall a morning spent at the National Museum in Lima, following the emergence and decline and emergence and decline of progressively more accomplished civilizations, the final destruction of which is foreshadowed by the fact that all the writing on all the exhibits is in, and everyone around you is speaking, Spanish. The whole history of this nation, of this continent, is one of bloody metamorphosis. Soon I’ll be back in Lima amid fumes and poverty, music and traffic and chaos, amid all this passing human beauty of Peru.


Monday, July 15, 2013

Three Unforeseen Masterpieces

 
3 unforeseen masterpieces, multiple copies


A couple of years back, I had two unpublished essays in hand: this one here, about three great works of American nonfiction by three authors famous for things other than writing; and another, more personal one, that I thought was the best thing I'd ever written. The latter one, the personal one, wasn't quite done, but I thought that when it was I might submit it to The Believer. While I was finishing it, I submitted this literary one below. I expected them to reject it; while I had published many articles in GQ and some other local magazines, everything I had ever submitted to a literary publication had been rejected. Still, I figured that by the time they read and rejected this one, I'd have the other one finished, it would be the best thing I ever wrote, I would immediately follow up with it, and they would like it. But before that could happen, to my great surprise and even greater delight, they accepted this one here. There followed a long silence. A couple of times in the following months, I emailed asking for an update, but got little information in return. In the meantime, I finished the personal essay, submitted it, and it got rejected. It took another year and a half for edits on the accepted, literary essay to come, and several months more after my re-write, but eventually The Believer changed their minds about the piece and told me they wouldn't be publishing it after all. Neither would anyone else, I suspect. So, here it is, because I think it is interesting and that it might inspire a few people to read these three books, which will bring them pleasure. The Sarah Palin opening is slightly dated, but the point of it is clear enough, so I won't revise it with a more relevant name. (I'm so glad she's no longer relevant.)

To read the essay, please go here: 
Three Unforeseen Masterpieces
Grant's Personal Memoirs; Thomas Hart Benton's An Artist in America; Whittaker Chambers' Witness.*

* I know there's a typo in the introduction to the full essay, but blogspot won't let me correct it, for now...


From the essay:

There are examples, though admittedly moving ever deeper into America’s past, of great works of literature being produced by public figures whom we might not have thought capable of writing an undeniable literary gem. And in three particularly controversial cases, neither their bitterest enemies nor their harshest critics could naysay the literary force at work in narratives by three men each of whom had found fame without words: one as a zealot and informer, one as an iconoclastic muralist, one as a master of the art of war and a drunk who kept falling off his horse. What Whittaker Chambers, Thomas Hart Benton, and Ulysses S. Grant have in common is this: each at a critical point in his life wrote a brilliant autobiography evocative of his times, his country, and his soul. All three wrote books that betrayed an intimacy and skill with words unforeseen in an otherwise complex life. Each author achieved a singular, unmistakable tone. Each work is an invitation into the distinct and fertile mind of its creator.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Satan's Waiting Room, or Stages of Grief

Wrote this article about formerly famous rock bands sustaining their careers at casinos for GQ in 2006. It got killed. Spin read it, and said they might run it, but changed their minds. GQ kindly paid me my full fee for the story (or gave me credit for the wordage, as I think I was on contract at the time). It was a lot of work and travel. It's not easy to get to Atlantic City from Oakland, for example, and I wanted to take a bus on the final leg; I thought it might be interesting to ride a Friday night bus from Philly to Atlantic City, just to see who my fellow passengers might be. I was wrong. I recall being more disappointed by the Spin rejection, I guess because it would have been so nice for a killed thing to find a life after death. I did a bunch of editing at Spin's request, but in the end, they lost interest. I had originally pitched it to GQ as a story about once-famous rock acts playing at state and county fairs. But GQ thought it would be more interesting at casinos. They were probably right, but somehow I just couldn't pull it off. The original version included an REO Speedwagon show and backstage interview. I don't remember why or when that section got dropped. Might have to do with how nice the REO guys were, and that I just couldn't find much funny to say about them. I never liked their music. Or Eddie Money or Rick Springfield, for that matter. I admit to liking Styx briefly when very young. Doobie Brothers I have liked on and off, and they are very much the sound of my childhood summers. It was humiliating for the story never to see the light of day. It involved so much travel and work that just about everyone I knew was aware that I was working on it and was excited about it and often asked me how it was going and when it would appear. On my last trip to Vegas, outside the Eddie Money show, some dude sneezed all over me and I ended up being sick for weeks. The husband of a co-worker of my wife was a huge, life-long REO fan, and so I took him with me to the show and then backstage afterwards. It was very exciting for him, which was nice, but just added to my embarrassment when the story died. Of course, magazine stories get killed for all kinds of reasons, not always to do with the quality of the writer's work. But this one was probably my fault. My original, working title was "Satan's Waiting Room." It was some kind of joke about how, if Florida is God's waiting room, and if Rock & Roll is Satanic, and if casinos are where old bands go to die, then casinos would be Satan's waiting...well, you get it.

Stages of Grief
At first, to catch their names on a state fair schedule -- Journey, Styx, Blue Oyster Cult -- seemed a kind of cosmic rock comeuppance. Finally, these bands who had blasted music back into a dark, bullshit age of meaningless rock opera pomp, who had never deserved their former fortune or fame, were getting theirs in the hellish heat of the fair.

But in my more reflective moments, a certain nagging sadness would taint my schadenfreude. Did any formerly-famous musical act really deserve this fate: forced to trudge onstage and fain the triumphant rock and roll body language of their glory years while banging out their hit songs for the millionth time before another sweaty, heat-dazed, corn-on-the-cob sucking American crowd staggering about the fairgrounds.

Well, now these former idols and two-hit wonder mainstays of the fair have come in from the heat: fairgrounds rock has taken over the glam stages of Vegas and Atlantic City and the glamour-free nightclubs of the far-flung Indian reservations. Frampton is here. Juice Newton is here. REO Speedwagon is here. Even some remnant of Queen is here.

Sooner or later they’ll all be here in rock and roll’s Indian burial ground.

To read the whole thing, go here: Satan's Waiting Room





Thursday, June 21, 2012

Even in the Bitter Core the Seed

If I should apply myself
tongue to skin -- but one should never
press too hard but only lightly
pass over until the object begins
to break down, lightly, so it barely knows
you're trying, until for your gentle persistence
it secrets its essence to you alone,
surrenders for having found finally
your subtle touch agreeable and true,
                                                             lightly,
because you must maintain your application
in duration, almost an apparition, so the taste
that stays sweet comes, leisurely and long,
lightly, so you'll recall that first bright smoothness
even as your (light) effort takes you
all the way to the core, so when you arrive --
and this is inevitable, you must believe it --
you will have come to understand
that even in the bitter core
lies the seed to which your long
and gentle plight has given light.
                                                 
                                                   - J. O'Brien
                                                       

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Messengers

He said, “God is the light of day.”
Then what's the dark of night?
He said God is: the bright white wine
and the inky red that stains
the enormous void we bear
and the thing we bear it in
all we do not know and how we know it.
Tell him my mind flutters and flits
over a flaming field in mid-summer.
That deadens the soul.
There is no chance of rain
and the sun is set to remain
remote for years without dying.
Nothing will change, not direction
nor this weak weakening effort to alight
in shaded safety. Tell him this then,
approximately where I can be found,
on a field aflame in dead summer unable to land.
                                                             - J. O'Brien

Monday, September 12, 2011

Conversation with a Murderer


From an old journal of mine, unedited:

February 26, 1992
Cathedral Square
Sacramento

Today I met a murderer from Lexington, Nebraska.  He had been released from prison 16 days ago, after serving 18 years for killing the man he claims raped and killed his wife and also killed his son.  That happened in Arizona.  He sat next to me on a bench across from the entry to the Cathedral of the Holy Sacrament and rolled a cigarette.  I had given him 35 cents after he'd complained of hunger, of being kicked out of the mission.

"Why did they kick you out of the mission?"
"Fighting."
He didn't seem to mind my first question.
"Over what?"
"A blanket.  Ain't that stupid?"
"I guess, unless it was really cold out."
"We was inside, but she said the blanket was hers.  Then her old man decided to get into it.  And one other guy.  So, I took them all on.  Got kicked out."
"That sucks."
"Yeah, but I didn't get hurt or nothing."
"So, where'd you go when you got kicked out?
"Woodland."
"Where'd you go in Woodland?"
"I camped.  Yeah, I like it in Woodland.  Nice place."
"They don't bother you too much in Woodland?"
"No.  I got one ticket.  For being drunk in public."
"And were you?"
"Yeah.  Tell you the truth.  I just got out of jail.  16 days ago."
"How long were you in?"
"18 years.  But.  I deserved it.  Murder."
"What did you do?"
"I murdered the son of a bitch who raped and murdered my wife, my son.  God, I'm so hungry I might beat up somebody.  But it's o.k.  I got a check coming today.  I'm going home."
"Where's home?"
"Lincoln...Lexington, Nebraska."
"How you going to get there?"
"Fly."
"You have family there?"
"Yeah.  My dad.  I called him last night.  Said, 'Dad, it's me.'  He said 'Are you out?"  I said, 'Yeah.  I'd like to come home."  He said, 'Good.  I want you to run the farm.'  Shit.  I said, 'What?'  He's 73.  He says he wants to retire."
"When's the last time you saw him?"
"23 years ago."
"You have any brothers?"
"No.  I, there were four of us.  But I lost three of them in ‘Nam."
"Three?"
"Lost my twin.  We all four went over at the same time."
"How long were you there?"
"I did two tours."
"Which service?"
"Army."
"So, your father's got plans for you."
"Yeah, uh-huh.  I told him I'm not sure I can even drive a tractor anymore.  He's got 107,000 acres."
"Nebraska.  What does he grow?"
"Corn, wheat, alfalfa."
"Nebraska."
"It'll be good to be back.  It sure feels good to be free."
"Yeah."
"I'm loving it.  I don't like being poor.  But I like being free."








Monday, August 29, 2011

That's How It Feels


While watching a fair-skinned autistic girl
On a playground beyond a fence and locked gate
Bend to touch the pavement and smile,
Touch the pavement and smile,
Touch the pavement and smile,
Touching the pavement and smiling,
Bending to touch the pavement and smiling brightly,
Touching the blacktop with her pink index finger
Then smiling, the poet was roused for perversion.
When he showed the authorities his notes they said,
“You ain’t no poet, friend, but prolly no reprobate neither.”
                                                                             -J. O'Brien





Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Eco-Location

In '08 and '09, every big U.S. magazine ran at least one article about 1) the return of absinthe and 2) the rise of the great farm-to-table chef, Dan Barber.  Except GQ.  They had assigned each piece to me.  A draft of the absinthe article is on this blog somewhere, and here is a draft of my Dan Barber piece, which was the greatest pleasure to report, as he was kind and generous and his kitchen is all it's cracked up to be.  He has since won the James Beard Award as the nation's top chef.  This piece was never fact checked or copy edited.  Probably one of those departments would have urged me to correct, among other things, the line about the 19th-Century agrarian novel, since the heyday of the agrarian novel was actually in the early 20th Century.  Probably I would have just changed "agrarian" to "Russian."  Also, the magazine would have come up with a memorable headline, as they always do, but I could only come up with, for now:

A Culinary Yankee in Queen Alice's Court
Dan Barber Schools the Purists with Face Bacon, Super-Chickens, Sous-vide Lamb and Tough Love

which is awful, but please keep reading; the piece gains momentum as it progresses. 

Norman architecture: Blue Hill at Stone Barns

In his crisp, white togs, framed by tall corn stalks, he is the image of the modern chef. Dan Barber is...bucolic. On this small farm in the lush Hudson Valley, it’s a perfect, buzzing summer afternoon. Distant spruce and maples sway in a soft breeze. A waterlogged storm cloud peeks from the south. A black and white farm dog follows us from patches of beans to stands of corn to rows of summer squash that look like the trunks of baby elephants.

I’m hungry and happy about it. I’m planning to nurse my hunger well into the evening, and then take my seat in the bright, vaulted dining room a hog’s snort from where we’re standing, to settle in for a long summer feast replete with ingredients I actually can see workers yanking from the ground at this very moment. Every crop in the soil we stand on is organic; everything here with a heartbeat ranges free before slaughter. I pet the dog, take in the scent of sweet decay in the air, as the chef with the curious mind, the receding hairline, the dirty mouth and the cooking-flame tan interrogates the farmer, scribbles in a notebook, releases periodic ejaculations: amazing, wow.

Barber is the ultimate farm-to-table chef, the farm for his tables stretching across nearly thirty acres surrounding his restaurant on an old Rockefeller estate in Westchester County, New York, twenty-five miles outside Manhattan, called Blue Hill at Stone Barns. Last January, as part of a fundraiser organized by Alice Waters, he was one of an elite group of top chefs dispatched to Washington to prepare meals for the nation’s new power elite on the eve of the Obama inauguration. Barber worked out of journalist Bob Woodward’s kitchen, served pig snout, lamb, a winter salad, chatted up members of the president’s cabinet and his economic council.

Man Bites Dogma
If he is the emerging voice of a sustainable food movement in its ascendancy, then this colorful, seemingly thriving farm/restaurant is like the movement’s Vatican. This morning I’ve joined Barber to do farm chores: driving stakes, rotating fences that contain the free-range chickens, grabbing wily, stupid-eyed birds hiding under wagon seats and tossing them onto the new grass. It’s wet, dirty work, but the chef seems willing enough. He says the movement’s rank and file likes to think of him as a farmer, even though he isn’t one. He seems so reasonable, so companionable, but in the shade of the greenhouse, when I ask the him about the purists in his movement, those people you meet, too sincere for argument, who demonize any and all industrial agricultural methods, and he lets lose with a slicing dismissal so thorough and unexpected, it's actually kind of thrilling:

“I just throw that out the window,” he tells me. “That’s ridiculous. I think it’s reactionary. That says to me, ‘OK, let’s harken back to a Shaker Village.’ That would last about as long as this conversation. It’s too much Alice Waters, who also influenced me more than anyone. But I don’t want to look back. I don’t want to have this farm perceived as a Shaker Village or an Amish thing of the turn of the century. It means nothing.”

Chefs in the fields at Stone Barns
The Discovery of the Season
Dan Barber is only thirty-nine (he's probably forty-eight now), but he’s been talking about the environmental and gastronomic genius of fresh, local ingredients, about this new, old way to grow and distribute food, since long before he was out standing in his field of corn. He comes from a Manhattan family not of cooks but of eaters, the son of a world-traveling businessman, a widower who would take Dan and his brother, David, on the road, and into fancy restaurants for business meetings. Paris, Hong Kong. Cincinnati. Early on the boys learned to appreciate the exotic and the mundane. Summers were spent on their grandmother’s small dairy farm. She adored the land, the open spaces. Her grandsons have that genetic marker and they obviously know it. Their two restaurants are named for her farm. Blue Hill. They own that farm now. It provides their kitchens with butter, yogurt, milk, and the occasional pig or lamb. It was during summers on the farm that Barber says he began to feel like a small farmer himself, to comprehend their skills and their plight.

In New York, in the late Nineties, the brothers started a catering business. Barber was back from two stints cooking in California (including a brief stop at Waters’ Chez Panisse), from a two-and-a-half year stage in France that began in the kitchen of Michel Rostang. With Dan cooking and David managing, the catering business flourished, so the Barbers opened a restaurant to push it; instead of auditioning in unfamiliar kitchens, they could invite potential clients to Blue Hill. But then the elegant little basement restaurant a half-block off Washington Square, the one largely relying for its ingredients, in all four seasons, on the bounty of Hudson Valley farmers, caught on. A review on Bloomberg radio started a stir. A rave in Gourmet in late 2000 was seminal.

There are chanterelles when chanterelles freckle local hillsides, wrote Jonathan Gold, and local corn shoots in the salad when they pop out of the ground in June, then ramps and fiddleheads and local zucchini.

There in the middle of the lower part of the big, great city, a small restaurant was doing its best with what the local climate and soil gave it. Back then they still imported fish from Hawaii, still got a few other mainstays from far away. But the local farmers were catching on to the fact that Barber didn’t just serve their produce, their lamb, their pork, he featured it, mentioned the names of farms on the menu, talked them up when the media came calling. At Blue Hill, the chef might cook the food, but the farmers determined the menu.

Rich in Soil and Pocket Both
Around the time that Gourmet review appeared unfathomably rich nonagenarian David Rockefeller was setting out to turn a chunk of his family estate near Tarrytown into a nonprofit agricultural education center. He wanted to honor his late wife, Peggy, who had long been dedicated to the well-being of the small farmer. There would be wild spaces for hiking, pastures, and a working farm. The beautiful old outbuildings and the stone dairy barns long in disuse, and modeled after ancient French-Norman towers, would be converted into offices and, what the heck, there’d be a restaurant. Mr. Rockefeller likes good food.

He’d given his young right hand man, James Ford, this dream assignment: find the proper chef for a restaurant at Stone Barns. But fifty restaurants and fifteen extra pounds later, Ford was getting frustrated. The famous chefs wanted too much money. The un-famous ones didn’t fit the spirit of the surroundings. On the day he stumbled upon the original Blue Hill, Ford says he was only vaguely aware of Barber’s effort to use local ingredients. That night, he was pretty much just looking for a meal. But he found that he loved the food and the peaceful feel of the place in the Village. He was intrigued by Blue Hill’s commitment to sourcing in the Hudson Valley. He asked to meet the Barbers. Eventually he brought Rockefeller to Blue Hill, to discuss the project at Stone Barns, to eat. The old man was a sitting duck.

By 2004, Rockefeller had spent $30 million, to convert the fields, six acres for vegetables, twenty-two acres for livestock to graze, to build the 23,000 square foot greenhouse, and construct Barber’s big, gleaming kitchen. Now Rockefeller is known to hitch up his horse and buggy, literally, and ride on over to the Barns for a meal, his largesse is finite. Although it is large.

The farm is a nonprofit. Barber does not own it, or farm it, per se. He buys from the farm his produce, chickens, lamb, pork, geese and rabbit, at wholesale prices. Today his two kitchens get about seventy percent of their ingredients from the farm and greenhouse at Stone Barns, and from other Hudson Valley farmers, many of whom truck their produce into Manhattan and set up shop at the Union Square Green Market.

Face Bacon
One raw, drizzly Saturday morning around eight I meet Barber there. I’m a nuisance, but he doesn’t make me feel that way, although twice he leaves me perched under a lamp post to stand still and wait, like a child you like okay, but really wish had stayed home this time. Now just stand here and don’t get into any trouble. Daddy will be right back. Daddy loves you! Meanwhile he goes rummaging behind stalls and into the private stashes of vendors, who all know him well. He has a cap on backwards; it has a beret effect. He’s wearing small-framed glasses, looks pale, sleepless, very Lower-East-Side intellectual artist. It’s very early spring, so we pick up asparagus, onions, turnips and ramps. Just as we’re about to leave, a guy calls Barber over, then pulls from a blue cooler a plastic bag with two big, greasy pigs feet he’s been saving for the chef, who is thrilled. Now he can make foot bacon. Sounds gross. Won’t be. The night before Barber had served me face bacon, a delicious, thinly sliced, beautifully marbled, crunchy, pungent sliver of porcine physiognomy. Although it is important to ignore the eye hole.

Fields at Stone Barns
One Day in the Life of a Pig Jowl
Sometimes when I’m winding my way down the long drive at Stone Barns I feel as if I’m entering some great Nineteenth Century agrarian novel. Workers toil in the fields that slope away from the looming, round barns of timeless gray. Lambs graze, hogs root, chickens scamper in a frenzy. Then, as I sit in the bright, wide-open dining room and look out over the fields, I half expect that Aunt Maryushka will appear, holding a cast iron spoon with her tea-stained fingers, waiting to serve me turnip soup.

Instead, a well-manicured, well-informed captain will come to my table and engage me in a conversation. There is no menu at Blue Hill, but a list of ingredients proper for the season. So, frankly or furtively, he or she will check on my allergies and my limitations, such as, am I anti-meat? Am I not too fond of tomatoes? Am I curious about wine, or am I just looking to make an impression by blowing my expense account on the Opus One? Is it clear that I am a foodie so excited to be here that I already know what crops are in season, what dishes they’ve been serving lately, what Barber himself ate for breakfast today, how tall he is (5’ 11”) and that he has a book contract, not for a cook book, that will come, of course, but for a narrative? From here, my “foodie level” will be encoded on the ticket, possibly my age-range, as well. I could be judged “excited,” “adventurous,” “interested,” “younger,” “conservative,” even, alas, “middle-aged.” My wine choice might be discussed in the kitchen, and then the big, affable chef de cuisine will begin calling out my dishes. Four quail egg! Four chicken! Four lamb! Four sweet potato marshmallow! On a given night, there are ten to fifteen plates for the kitchen to choose among, another five Barber describes as “orbiting.”

Barber says they want diners to get what will please them most. Codes allow everyone to avoid, say, innards-inspired unpleasantness. They wouldn’t want to serve a conventional, unadventurous diner sheep’s brains or venison heart. If they have only fifteen lamb chops that night, they want those chops to go to those who are enthused. Sure, like at any restaurant, they might harbor some mild frustration with a vegetarian or a disdainer of tomatoes during a summertime service. Certainly with a vegan, but who wouldn’t?

“We lose a lot of people,” Barber tells me. “Diners say ‘Fuck. I’ve waited two months to be here and you’re telling me I can’t fucking order a steak?’”

The first time I ate at Blue Hill it was winter, which meant root vegetables, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, beets.

“Before Dan, this kind of approach to food,” says Omnivore’s Dilemma author Michael Polan, “was not something you heard about on the East Coast, it was much more of a West Coast thing.”

Often, Blue Hill waiters describe ingredients as “this morning’s,” as in “this morning’s egg.” Just laid. In summer there are a dozen varieties of tomatoes. In winter time there is the meat of the pig, the whole pig. For the really adventurous among us, a server will bring out a tray of half-cooked pig anatomy, an ear, a snout, a jowl. This is it, no pretense, no hiding, and here is what we will do with it. If not pig parts, the server might present a tray of just-harvested beets, soil still clinging like blood to a newborn. They are supine, uncooked, uninteresting even, until you are told that tonight’s beets have survived upwards of seven frosts, that the gift of the frost is their sweetness.

Stone Barns beets
At Blue Hill, dinners unfold, frosts hold strange ironies, freezes become friends, cold weather is a thing not to necessitate imports, but to inspire discovery. Here’s how Barber puts it one night when I call to ask him what’s on the menu:

“We switch to serving cold weather crops after a few hard frosts. After a deep frost the brix (a measurement of sugar content) is a hundred fold sweeter. Cabbages, Swiss chard, Brussels sprouts, we tested them in August and the brix was 6.8, and we tested them after the fourth frost and they were 12.6 parts per billion of sugar. A plant physiologist who is also a poet explained it to me this way: the conversion from starches to sugars is the plants or the roots trying to avoid ice crystallization within their bodies by converting to sugar, because sugar raises the body temperature. What you're tasting, what the plant or the root is telling you is, ‘I don't want to die.’ Right now it’s a fucking total blow out celebration of that.”

A Culinary Mark Twain
Dan Barber has no TV show, no book or blog, he is neither barefoot nor naked, but he is in demand. He gives talks, draws crowds. He sits on many panels, the kind with fawning audiences blogging and twittering and moderators who take off their shoes and cross their legs, hold lots of index cards in their hands and go for laughs and try not to seem nervous. But Barber is always the funniest one onstage, the one whose profound fascination, whose awe of the earth and the edible stuff it offers up borders on the Druidical.

Audiences eat it up.

Once after a performance in San Francisco, Barber and I try to walk approximately one-hundred yards from the stage door to the theater exit and it takes us almost half an hour, as fans, some with shyness, some desire, approach him to thank him for what he does, and then, to my surprise, to say they look forward to someday eating at his restaurant. They love him, but they have never eaten a dish at Blue Hill.

“There are few people you meet that are as good at one thing as Dan Barber is at cooking,” says Polan, “and who have these other skills: journalist, writer, promoter, storyteller. All these different kinds of things.”

In person, when Barber gets really into a story, really excited about the topic, he taps your shoulder, over and over again. It’s endearing, if at times walking the farm or riding next to him in his gray minivan that sometimes smells like onions, sometimes goat cheese, I worry about bruising. But onstage, he is a performer, a yarn-spinner, a culinary Mark Twain by way of Woody Allen, whose narratives tend to have a moral. Also a good deal of angst and self-deprecation. To the crowds he sometimes tells his tales while pacing, gulping, flipping through slides, anything to subdue his nervous energy. He can seem so agitated at first, that you find yourself getting a bit tense, you start rooting for him just so that you can relax. Soon all is well, he’s rolling, telling the story about his secretly failed carrot experiment, in which while attempting to duplicate the delicious effects of a farmer he’d met in Burgundy, he tried sprinkling pounds of almond dust on the soil where the Napoli carrots grow. So confident was he that on the day the carrots were to be harvested, he’d already put an item on the menu: Almond-Carrot Salad.

“I had a dream the night before,” he tells the audience, “of me on the cover of Gourmet with a farmer’s hat, holding a bunch of carrots, with the title, Dan Barber: Chef Revolutionizes Farming.”

Problem was, the carrots tasted strictly carrot-y, not a trace of almond anywhere. So quickly he splashed some almond oil on them and the salads were a huge hit, ninety-five orders among 140 covers for the night. Customers wrote out comment cards with four stars. Someone on the staff triumphantly exclaimed: Ferran Adria has foams, but Dan Barber has carrots!

Then there is the classic story of Boris, a boar at Stone Barns. Barber and the livestock farmer are watching Boris trying to “make love,” as Barber puts it, dryly, to various sows in heat. “Don’t know if any of you have ever seen a sow in heat,” he says, “but suffice to say, they are not picky.” But Boris is too fat. The sows reject him. He has out-lived his usefulness and the farmer matter-of-factly announces his intention to shoot the old hog.

Barber the Manhattanite is mortified, and goes on a quest for optional fates for Boris. One, “castrate and slaughter,” is accompanied by a large slide of the white, filthy, drooping, masculine, torpedo-like balls of Boris, still hanging proudly.

The stories demonstrate curiosity and daring on Barber’s behalf. But I think they also betray a control on the farm beyond influence, beyond what he tends to claim he has, and far beyond the farmer-dictated gastro-future he himself promotes: If a hundred years ago the diner determined what was on the menu -- Oysters Rockefeller and mutton seem to have been popular items -- and over the last thirty years creative chefs took menu-control, showing us new, pleasurable ways to eat (and becoming the celebrities we can’t avoid today), then in the 21st Century it’s the farmers’ time to take the reins. Not to worry, though. The great chefs will still decide what to do with the farmer’s crops.

“The gourmet will be the leader of the world,” he says, meaning the food world, I assume, although his enthusiasm and proto-Marxist formulations make me wonder.

Barbs
Vision and timing have transformed this chef into a leader of, if not the world -- yet -- then a movement. A similar thing happened to Polan after Omnivore’s Dilemma. Polan had told me how strange it was to go from journalist to spokesperson for a cause, from interviewer to subject. His hope was to go back to journalism as new voices emerged. But the time had been right, as it is now for Barber.

“You get historical opportunities and you have to take advantage of them,” says Polan, “and the culture is willing to listen to this now, to these issues that have been knocking around for thirty years.”

For more than thirty years, of course, Alice Waters has been saying and doing many of the same things Barber says and does now. If her effect on the food industry at large has been limited, her restaurant is legendary, her acolytes are many. Her cookbooks read like little miracle-guides to ethical pleasure. Even as Barber’s reach grows, in the throbbing, emerging community of green foodies, Waters is rightly ubiquitous. Barber cites her as a primary inspiration, and surely if he can keep Blue Hill afloat and Stone Barns fertile, and show the way for others, her vindication will be nearly complete.

But there is a mutual distancing.

Barber is a realist. He is anti-quaint. If the small, organic farmers can’t make money, then what is this but some theoretical Eden? For now, the farm at Stone Barns may be a nonprofit, but the restaurant has to pay rent; it has to share its profits with the Stone Barns Center for Food and Agriculture. And so they engage in selective environmentalist no-nos. They raise sheep genetically cross-bred to lamb in twos and threes instead of nature’s one-at-a-time. The birds here eat naught but grass and bugs, but they are of a breed of super-chickens developed by evil agri-giant Tyson foods to grow to eating size in seven weeks instead of the fourteen nature intended. Barber serves it all with pleasure.

“This bugs the Slow Food people,” says Barber, referring to the worldwide collection of chefs and food-producers dedicated to the demise of big agriculture and the return of non-industrial methods of growing and food preparation. “But it’s better for the bottom line.”

When I talk to Waters and Barber about each other, they try to bury their conflicts under, in Barber’s case, cutting jocularity, in Waters’ case, a soft, pillowy sweetness backed with a slap. She says Barber is “articulate” and has “great taste,” but she wishes he would cook “peasant food.” He says he’d cook peasant food, maybe, if he was in South Dakota, but he’s in New York, it’s an expensive operation, he charges a lot of money. People have expectations. They have expense accounts. As Polan puts it to me, a chef in New York has to “dazzle.” So Barber does not serve peasant food. It would be hard to define, say, a refreshing celery/apple juice I had one spring at Blue Hill, a light-green liquid that finds a paradise between sweet and earthy I never knew existed, as peasant food. I don’t think the peasants spent a lot of time juicing. Waters can romanticize them, but for a modern like Barber to pretend to embrace their ways would be disingenuous.

Carrot from the farm at Stone Barns, soon to be eaten
I do think sometimes he regrets this; his ingredients taste so damn good right out of the ground. He wants you to experience that natural flavor. He’d love to be the simple conduit between you and the soil. And early in each meal at Blue Hill does come the raw stuff, eight carrots, lightly kissed with salt, impaled on skewers protruding from a block of polished cherry wood -- eat the carrot, eat the leaf, break through the salt to savor the sweetness -- then potato chips with a suggestion of sage, or little, sweet, bite-sized beet burgers somehow made to look like hamburgers. But these are just the seductive opening notes to his nocturne.

Like Waters, Barber is a champion of the small farmer and the old pre-chemical ways of farming, but he is far more likely to subject his ingredients to the kitchen techniques of the 21st Century, to bring the products of those old ways into the now and assimilate them with extreme prejudice.

So, he says, when diners sent back his grass-fed lamb because they thought it was too tough, he adopted, with pleasure, the sous-vide cooking technique. As with the super-chickens and fecund sheep at Stone Barns, he says some purists in the movement disdain use of the high-energy, plastic-vacuum-packed sous-vide process. Very modern.

Anyway, Waters tells me, sous-vide is not for her; she is more for the grill. She needs to have the smoke and the fragrance. For her, that problem with grass-fed toughness was more a question of “learning how to cook it.”

As I listen, I feel a painful pull in two directions, one foot in the honorable past, one sliding unfettered into the inevitable future. I love them both. And without Waters there would be no Barber. But in a world were big agriculture and a non-feudal economy predominate, without a Barber-like focus on the bottom line, it might take another thirty years to change things.

“I don’t think there’s a contradiction between Alice’s ideals of heritage and looking to innovation and technology to interpret them,” says Barber, “because otherwise they don’t move forward.”

My Dream Date with the Chef
Nearly every interview I do with Barber seem to take place in transit, moving forward, as it were. We’re walking. We’re driving. Until one night when I actually succeed in wrenching him away from his two kitchens. It’s like I’ve won a Dream Date with the Chef. His minivan is strewn with foodstuffs. Tiny spotted dry beans jostle in the console. He takes me to three restaurants, each dedicated to serving local, organic ingredients. He spends the evening ordering my food, my wine, telling me stories hard won from the crazy, periodic, one-night-and-a-day pilgrimages he makes from Manhattan to London, or Spain, or to exotic Western New York, to witness the work of obscure, innovative farmers, or to visit the kitchens of famous, innovative chefs.

At lively, candle-lit Marlow & Sons in Brooklyn, he tells me about the Spanish foie gras maker, said to be the world’s best, who doesn’t gorge his birds, but just let’s them come to the food as they will to get their over-fill.

At a bright pizza joint called Frannie’s, while we’re savoring a pork terrine, he says, “You’ve got fat in your mouth, but not greasy fat. I love that.” He talks about a farmer outside London who is resurrecting a hundred neglected varieties of wheat, and about a grower of kosher grains in Penn Yan, New York, who has found that the presence of wild onions in the field, the ones the rabbi is now helping him avoid, had been holding back the flavor and size of his harvest. Eliminating them with the help of the rabbi has been a godsend. It’s the Torah as farmer’s almanac.

We end the night in Chelsea, at the counter at Dell’Anima, eating hand-made pastas and talking about his stint as a judge on Top Chef, how during a break in filming he’d wandered over here to 8th Avenue for an exceedingly rare, quiet meal, alone, at dinner time. He has the wistful tone of a botanist who’s found a species of plant long thought extinct, but then lost the specimen.

I’d sensed a similar longing in him at Marlow and Sons, over a simple salad of fresh radishes, tomatoes, greens, and peaches so juicy they were mouth-cleansing. While we marveled at the flavors of this peasant food, he’d told me that sometimes he thinks he’d like to cook this way.

“But if I did this,” he says, his voice seasoned with urgency, “we wouldn’t be sitting here talking.”

Still, the very next night, at his restaurant on the farm, a waiter brings me a salad of radishes, greens and peaches. In Barber’s version there is a touch of flare, a tomato foam, a gastronomic signature you won’t find in Brooklyn. It dazzles. The waiter also brings me a message: “Chef said to tell you this was inspired by your dinner last night.”

Dining room at Blue Hill at Stone Barns
I end up sitting at the dimly-lit, eleven-stool bar eating -- eggplant and pancetta, face bacon with a cantaloupe porter chaser, celtuce with yogurt and pine-nuts -- for so long I develop bruises on my thighs from the stool’s edge. I think of them as a hedonist’s bed sores. I know that the celebrated restaurant on the organic farm that supplies its ingredients is supposed to marry the fundamentals of clean earth and human hand, bodily nutrition and that blessed thing that makes us human: an appetite for mouth-watering synthesis. (What other animals make salads or sauces?) We’re human. We don’t want food to simply keep us alive, we want food that makes us feel alive. And now we want it grown and prepared in ways that will keep the earth alive as well. Some might think any deviation from the purest of green practices here could mar the coming new order. But maybe purity itself is non-sustainable.

In fact, no one has stepped with greater confidence into the farmer-controlled future than Dan Barber. No one has committed with more fury to serving local ingredients in their proper season, no matter the season. No asparagus in the fall. No corn or tomatoes in late winter. But then comes renewal, the spring, new lambs, artichokes, johnny jump-ups, a dozen sweet greens, appetites made fonder by a season of absence, after the poetry of a frost that brings sweetness, there’s the fucking total blowout celebration of it all.


 Images courtesy of Stone Barns Center for Food and Agriculture